It's still a few weeks away, but I've already been struggling with the thought of having to leave you to go back to work. I've cried my eyes out, had nightmares, you name it. We have a great plan set up for you - you will go to Oma and Papa Oldham's house on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and then Grandma will come stay with you on Thursday and Friday. Most Fridays Daddy will be home too. Even knowing you'll be in such good hands hasn't helped my feelings about it though. I'm just so afraid of somebody else (even if it's family) knowing you better than I do or, even worse, you knowing and wanting somebody else more than me. The very thought is almost paralyzing! Besides, how on earth am I supposed to play with, teach, and take care of 700+ other kids when I don't get to do that for my own?
I was talking about all of this to your Grandmommy yesterday and she made a point that I hadn't thought of before. I asked her how on earth am I going to be able to leave you and she said, "Because you love her and you need to make a living for her." She's right. I have to do this because I love you. Our family cannot survive without my paycheck and insurance. It would be selfish of me to try to stay home with you right now with Daddy still working on his doctorate. I love you and your Daddy too much to do that to our family. So I will go back to work because I love you. I'm still not ok with it (I don't know that I will ever be) but I'm trusting that God will give us both the grace to survive.
I love you, baby girl!
Love,
Mommy
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