Dear Ella . . .

I've hesitated to add this to your journal but I want us both to be able to look back one day and see how God brings us through this.

Mommy's struggling to pump enough milk for you to eat while I'm at work during the day. I have been taking supplements for about a month now and they seemed to be helping until this week. I'm not sure if I need to try something else or if you're just eating less right now because you've had a stuffy nose.

I try not to worry over it (I know that stress makes it worse), but it absolutely breaks my heart to think about not having our sweet snuggly feedings anymore or to not hear you singing to me while you eat.

My ultimate goal is still to make it to at least your birthday and then a little into this summer. Short term goal? To make it to my spring break (a week and a half from now) so we can nurse all day for over a week and I can pump each night and hopefully build up our supply. I'm praying that will give us the momentum we need to get to your birthday.

I'm giving this over to God day by day (sometimes moment by moment) and trusting that His plan for you and me is best - whatever that may be. It's hard, but I'm trying. :)

I love you sweet baby and I cherish every little moment we have together - nursing, singing, snuggling, playing.

Love always,
Mommy

Dear Ella . . .

We've had a few milestones here lately.

•You are now a speed crawler and are starting to get into things - especially Gizmo's things.

•You are becoming braver and letting go of things as you're standing. You can stand by yourself (only when you're in the mood) for several seconds at a time).

• Yesterday you walked and were only holding on to my pinkie for support! You did it several times through the day and are getting more and more confident on your feet. I think you'll be really walking before April rolls around.

• You ate baby yogurt with bananas for the first time yesterday. You weren't too sure about it at lunch, but you gobbled it up for supper!

• We put your hair in pigtails yesterday and OH MY GOODNESS it was cute! I didn't think you could possibly be any more adorable than you already are but boy was I wrong!

• You are asleep (and ever so lightly snoring) in my arms right now and it's the most beautiful sight. You haven't been napping well lately and it's starting to affect your nighttime sleep too. My plan right now is to enjoy this warm, sleepy, snuggly Sunday morning and let you get the rest you need.

I love you precious little love!
Love always,
Mommy

Dear Ella . . .

I love you so much, sweet baby. Your open mouth kisses, your sweet baby smell, your squishy kissable cheeks, everything about you just makes me melt. You are the most precious gift, Ella baby. :)

My favorite thing right now is the way you "sing" to me when you're nursing. You live to use your singing voice and you sing long beautiful "ahhhh"s everywhere - especially when we're in the car or concentrating on something (Grandmommy says I did that as a baby, too, but I said "ehhhh"). When you're nursing though, you have a special "ahh" that you use. You unlatch, and look at me and sing like you're communicating a deep truth. The look in your eyes tells it all. I love our special mommy/daughter songs.