Dear Ella . . .

Never in my life have I experienced anything that makes me so happy and so sad at the same time as watching you grow. You're changing every day and growing so quickly that sometimes I think I actually see it happening minute by minute.

You give me such joy, sweet one, a different and more tangible joy than I've ever known. It's that intense, overwhelming love, happiness, and pride plus the heartbreaking sorrow of knowing these precious moments are so fleeting - all rolled into one. There's not really any word that fully captures this feeling. The best I can do is say it's mommy-joy. That's what I have. Just pure mommy-joy. :)

I love you!
Love,
Mommy

Dear Ella . . .

I don't know how but I believe you somehow manage to get more adorable every day!

At 11 weeks you:

• have found your hands (I think this actually happened at 10 weeks) and are pulling anything and everything they touch straight to your mouth were you happily slobber all over it.
• are one big drool bucket. You can even blow bubbles. When you are starting to get hungry I can usually find a nice collection of them sliding down your chin.
• have just started to purposefully reach for things. Last week you began swatting at your singing sunshine that hangs on your play mat. Today you actually grabbed ahold of one of the rings on it!
• are babbling more and more! We have such fun (and funny) conversations! You get so excited and proud of yourself for making your cute little noises - it's just precious!
• love to stand up on Mommy when I hold you on my shoulder. You push off with your legs like you're just dying to reach and stretch yourself over the chair to see what fun things may be on the other side. You get pretty proud of this too!
• like to use your feet to scoot and wiggle around. I found you turned completely perpendicular to where you started in your pack n play after a nap the other day. Yesterday you managed to scoot half way off your play mat on your back. I have a feeling once you're really mobile there will be no stopping you.
• found yourself in the mirror last week. Every time you catch your eye now you grin and squawk and talk to yourself. We have so much fun playing with the "pretty baby in the mirror".
• are such a long-legged-lovebug that you are rapidly outgrowing your "0-3 month" and even some plain old "3 month" size clothes. It's especially noticeable in your little footie pajamas. I've decided to let you wear each one once more (if we can stretch it that long) and then we'll be moving up to the "3-6 month" sized jammies.
• don't show it often (unless Mommy takes too long getting ready to feed you) but your little pout is the cutest I've ever seen! You have this perfect little frowny face (the kind you might see drawn on a stick person) and then you poke your bottom lip out. It's so adorable!
* have an even sweeter smiley face! Your happy little grin just makes me melt. You're such a good-natured, happy little girl.
• are smiley even when you don't feel well. You currently have your first cold. Your little nose is crusty and stopped up. You didn't sleep well last night and you're running a low fever (99.4 according to the forehead checker). It's clear you're not feeling your best, and you've still managed to give me a few sweet little smiles through the night and this morning. You're such a sweetheart. I wish so bad that I could make it all better for you.

Daddy and I love you so much, sweet baby! I just don't know what we ever did without you.

Love,
Mommy

Meeting your cousins Taylor and Sarah for the first time

Standing up on Mommy

Happy girl

Dear Ella . . .

It's still a few weeks away, but I've already been struggling with the thought of having to leave you to go back to work. I've cried my eyes out, had nightmares, you name it. We have a great plan set up for you - you will go to Oma and Papa Oldham's house on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and then Grandma will come stay with you on Thursday and Friday. Most Fridays Daddy will be home too. Even knowing you'll be in such good hands hasn't helped my feelings about it though. I'm just so afraid of somebody else (even if it's family) knowing you better than I do or, even worse, you knowing and wanting somebody else more than me. The very thought is almost paralyzing! Besides, how on earth am I supposed to play with, teach, and take care of 700+ other kids when I don't get to do that for my own?

I was talking about all of this to your Grandmommy yesterday and she made a point that I hadn't thought of before. I asked her how on earth am I going to be able to leave you and she said, "Because you love her and you need to make a living for her." She's right. I have to do this because I love you. Our family cannot survive without my paycheck and insurance. It would be selfish of me to try to stay home with you right now with Daddy still working on his doctorate. I love you and your Daddy too much to do that to our family. So I will go back to work because I love you. I'm still not ok with it (I don't know that I will ever be) but I'm trusting that God will give us both the grace to survive.

I love you, baby girl!
Love,
Mommy